The Blog of Cafe Dissensus Magazine – we DISSENT

The tragic suicide of August Ames, Canadian porn actor

By Rimli Bhattacharya

“Some say that a woman that trades her body for money is a whore, if that is the case, then a woman that trades her body for flattery and kind words is just a whore that is not paid very well” – Carl R White

On 5 December, 2017, a 23-year-old killed herself. She was August Ames, a Canadian Adult Porn Star, who hanged herself in Ventura County. Not much is known about her childhood. According to her producer-director husband, Kevin Moore, she started her acting career in 2013 and had featured in more than 200 adult motion pictures. To him, she was the kindest person he has met in his life and she was his world.

Born as Mercedes Grabowski in Nova Scotia, she worked in a bar before joining the adult film industry. Though the exact cause of her death still remains controversial, her death was allegedly caused by cyber bullying. She was asked to play the role of having sex with a man who is an actor in gay porn films. She received a cannonade of tweets ever since she turned down that offer, fearing sexually transmitted diseases. In the porn industry, where several actors are homophobic, her tweet on homophobia and STD in the adult film industry drew the attention of trolls, who started the online abuse.

In her response to the tweet, The Mercury News reported: “NOT homophobic. […] Most girls don’t shoot with guys, who have shot gay porn, for safety. That’s just how it is with me. I’m not putting my body at risk.”

The day after the response, a farewell message was posted on her tweet and on 5 December her lifeless body was recovered.

The accused, a woofter porn actor, Jaxton Wheeler, with whom she was asked to feature in the film, however, denied his role in the killing of Ames. In his statement to Blast, he clarified: “As a matter of public record, my comment was posted after August had chosen to take her life. […] My intention was to bring about a conversation about the stigmas and issues talent like myself deal with every day. I acknowledge that I responded with emotions and an unfortunate choice of words. None of my aggression was directed at August nor her ability to consent to who she decides to work with. My issue was with the misinformation that exists within the adult industry on crossover talent. There is a false presumption about the heightened risk & the quality of testing standards for crossover talent. As a professional adult performer, I go through the same rigorous, regular testing all talent does.”

It’s a fact that in her suicide note Ames did not name anyone. Ames was a victim of something else as well.

During her growing years, she has been a victim of sexual abuse, though she said the offender was not her father. The mental torture of the abuse made it all the more complex for her as she was not believed by anyone when she narrated her abuse, which gradually turned her into a victim of depression at a very early age. She also battled bipolar disorder and multiple personality disorder. What added to her misery was that she wasn’t on any medication, which could actually have helped her deal with several mental illnesses. Though she tried therapy, she didn’t like it as she was judged for working as a porn actress. She took to drugs and to alcohol. But nothing helped her.

She revealed in her interview on 13 September, 2017 with Holly Randy Unfiltered broadcast that she was only fifteen when the father of a child for whom she was a babysitting offered her cocaine in exchange of stripping nude in front of him. She took to drugs to deal with her untold pain, though she acknowledged in the interview that she would smoke weed, drink and then black out. She also revealed that she was changing, as all she drank now was water.

After that hour long interview, she felt so hollow and shattered that she returned home, flipped through her old photos, searched for a happy selfie and then posted it on Instagram for her friends and followers.

Like all of us, she showed to the world through her selfies and posts on social media that she was happy. However, deep within she had scars, which had refused to heal. After her death, her younger brother lashed out against social media bullying of his sister. Seeing the concerns of her brother and husband after her death, one wonders why they did not stop her from entering the porn industry and help her battle her demons.

August Ames will now be remembered as a porn actor, who hanged herself at twenty-three and who was a victim of childhood sex abuse, drug abuse, alcohol addiction, a victim of depression, bipolar disorder, and multiple personality disorder. Would anyone remember that she was also beautiful and talented?

August Ames’ suicide highlights she had so much yet so less. As victims of abuse, it is important to seek help, confide in someone, and share one’s sorrow. Shared sorrow is half a sorrow. We must remember that every life is important.

Bio:
Rimli Bhattacharya 
completed Mechanical Engineering from National Institute of Technology. After obtaining an MBA, she worked in the corporate sector. Rimli is a trained Indian classical dancer, based out of Mumbai, India. She tweets at: @rimli76

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Cafe Dissensus Everyday is the blog of Cafe Dissensus magazine, based in New York City, USA. All materials on the site are protected under Creative Commons License.

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Read the latest issue of Cafe Dissensus Magazine on ‘Remembering Sir Syed Ahmad Khan in Bicentenary Year (1817-2017)’, edited by Dr. Irfanullah Farooqi, Aligarh Muslim University, Aligarh, India.

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