By Mir Sajad
I was probably on the verge of taking in a dose of nihilism. I think that somehow human lives are insignificant, meaningless, and that there are just countless accidents happening all over the universe every second. Human life is just one among them. . .
Honestly, I haven’t even touched nihilist literature, ever. Or for that matter, any ideological literature. They have always been paper to me, like paper with its frailty. I’ve also felt it as a completely, and somewhat messily filled, paper, so much so that it doesn’t make sense, neither to the onlooker, nor to the poor paper itself.
I was about to begin thinking that this universe was a huge accident or more moderately, and to the familiar level, ‘some’ human lives were less great or even meager as compared to some ‘other’ greater human lives… Someone inside me reminded me of some of the flashes of my life. Many a time, I had been ‘helped’ by something, some very intelligent force… I mean I have felt it… it is there… you cannot help but notice it, it is very powerful, so much so, that you would feel it.
This is not a treatise on God, that’s beyond my scope and beyond anybody else as well. But He has largely made the things to fall into perfect places – I am absolutely sure about it.
Sometimes, no almost every time, when I haven’t understood why some things happen, mostly when they don’t mean anything. But later, I have mostly understood the “whys” behind them, although not all of them. But now I’ve at least come to believe they hold something – a reprimand, a lesson, an encouragement, and sometimes something – that would stop the space-time continuum from getting disrupted. These are sometimes debatably referred to as “miracles”. All this has improved me or atleast tried to steer me to something.
See I don’t have evidences to substantiate my thoughts, this is a theory and, like many such unproven theories, this one needs validation, too.
I was seriously hunted and haunted (rather am) by many “whys”. But then this little girl sleeping beside me with both her hands spread like wings, like in her distinct dream, claiming the whole of the sky, talks of endless possibilities.
“Infinities” – this morning I was teaching my little cousin about this abstract idea of infinity of the length of a hypothetical line.
His sister reminded me about the infinite possibilities to my “why”, considering my “why” is a point and all the possibilities are the lines passing through it. And who knows, what lies beyond the largest infinity that could mathematically exist even if it takes forever to canoe to the maxima. But this little girl here tells me, “Look, maybe it does not make any sense to you, but there is every possibility that it perfectly fits into the fabric of time and space to keep it going.”
How can I undermine someone’s struggle or how can someone undermine mine? I believe no one gets to bear more than what they can take. This sort of makes everyone par at the intake of sufferings and bearing them. Since the bar is set for everyone, one cannot expect someone to outdo others who are essentially different in dealing with life…
I don’t know how to believe that the moon outside is just a huge piece of a rock, floating aimlessly in the vacuum shedding out a borrowed light. Maybe stupid, but this lover of physics has countless times talked to this extraterrestrial piece of matter – whatever. I haven’t been driven mad or something. The moon is ancient. Somehow to me, it looks wiser and more than just a rock. At least for a major, major part, I believe so. Ancients have a magic. Doesn’t the ancient star light that reaches us every night seem magical? Doesn’t the ancient meet the present every night? Don’t we always witness this? And, does it really have to spell meanings? If so maybe they actually do seem to say, “Universe is all about infinite possibilities”.
So if such incredible things happen every now and then, the miracle you are waiting for might actually happen and surprise you… that’s just another way of looking at “The Murphy’s Law.”
Awaiting my “Miracle”.
Mir Sajad is a PhD Scholar in Groundwater Hydrology Modelling, Deparment of Geography & Regional Development, Kashmir University, Hazratbal, Srinagar. He is an aspiring writer, accidental academic, classical physics bug, beholding “thinking” Soul, and voracious reader of esoteric ontology, epistemology, and phenomenology.
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